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Tips for Rekindling a Marriage


Is your romantic marriage turning into feeling more like a roommate situation? After being married, life takes hold and sometimes we lose that romantic touch. Between running errands, taking care of the kids, trying to keep the house presentable, work stress, it is no wonder this happens. You've fallen into a routine and feel like you may have fallen out of love. Sure, you still care about your partner - but where did all those happy-tingly feelings go? Don't worry! This is common and something that with just a little effort can be fixed. If you are feeling this way, do not just brush it off and hope those feeling come back again as it could turn sour. Having questionable feelings about your marriage is something that can be turned around!


In this 'lost feelings of love' situation, couples have many options of things to try to bring those loving feelings rushing back. The best way to change how you feel about something is to change your thoughts and your behaviors. When you think differently and do things differently you will feel differently. This is especially true when you change how you think about your spouse and how you behave toward your spouse.  Making some small changes can make a big difference in how you feel.


Turn those thoughts around and be positive

Bringing up negative thoughts from the past about your spouse will lead to negative feelings towards them. Remembering times that your partner hurt your feelings or didn't meet your expectations can lead to you feeling angry, resentful, and frustrated. This frustration can make you begin to question your spouse's love or even you marriage.


Instead of letting those negative thoughts and feelings take over, making your relationship feel 'off' or 'wrong', you should turn it around to focus on the positives. When your time is focused on your job, kids, chores, et cetera, you may not spend much time thinking about the positive aspects of your marriage. It is important to make the time to remember the positive aspects; following are some ideas to help you with rekindling your love.


Changing negative thoughts to realistic ones

Make an effort to notice when you are having negative thoughts about your partner, and replace them with realistic thoughts. For example, if you think, “Why doesn't my partner ever help clean up after dinner,” replace it with something more accurate such as “He prefers to do things other than cleaning such as help get the kids in bed. Simply changing the wording of your thoughts can turn your feelings around.


Pull yourself out of the situation and think about the advice you'd give to a friend with the same problem

If a friend or loved one came to you with the same problems you are experiencing, what would you say? Be open to taking your own advice in this situation. You would perhaps reassure your friend or tell her to try and communicate with him about it. Take that same advice you’d give to your friend and apply it to your own relationship. It can make it easier to use this method to put your situation into a better perspective.


Cognitively spend time each day to focus on your spouse's positives

Try to think of at least two to three good things about your spouse each day. Start your day before getting out of bed thinking of these things to start your day off right. You could also try to create a list of five or more of your spouse’s best qualities or perhaps a list of times that you felt most in love with your spouse. Review your list every day to remind yourself of these times and feelings and you will begin to replace your negative thoughts with positive thoughts about your partner.


Take a walk down memory lane

Get out those old photo albums and ticket stubs and remind yourself of all the fun times you have had together. Take a look through all your vacations, road trips, day trip adventures and other times like this can help you feel the love inside you again.


Begin to change your behavior

If you are waiting around until you suddenly feel those tingly loving feelings, you may be waiting a long time. Instead of simply waiting, changing your behavior first will change how you feel. Do something nice for your partner, however small. Sneaking up behind your partner and giving him a shoulder rub or a good hug from behind could spark an emotion and get things rolling again. Simple, little actions like this could bring your two back together in no time.


Make a conscious effort to do one thing each day to show your love

This is a great habit to form to create a stable, loving environment and relationship with your partner. Take a moment to leave a loving note in your partner’s pocket before she heads out to work or cook up your partner's favorite dinner (or, if you are not a good cook, order in from their favorite restaurant), buy a surprise 'just because' gift, no matter how small. These simple actions can really build your relationship into a strong, loving one.


Provide physical affection

When you feel like you’ve lost those loving feelings it is more important than ever to provide physical affection. Make a little extra effort to behave in an affectionate way can help you to rekindle your love. Changing your behavior first will allow the feelings to naturally follow.

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